Island in the Sun

My last post was a very difficult one, and was quite dark. This post will attempt to be the opposite. The focus will be the recent visit of my significant other, Alexis. If you don’t want to hear about our awesome adventures together, or see pics of some of the cool things we did, then please tune out now.

I left for South Africa on September 28^th around 2pm.  Alexis landed in Cape Town on the 18^th of May, around 9:45 pm. That means that roughly 7 1/3 months had passed since we had seen each other in person. That is 233 days. That’s 5,578 hours. 334,680 minutes. 20,080,800 seconds. Give or take some time on all of these calculation for math errors on my part. It goes without saying that I was excited to see her. My coworkers could all attest to my excitement. They were bombarded with my plans for her visit, and even suggested some activities of their own on what we should do, for weeks leading up to her landing. .

We spent the first 6 days in the Cape Town area. Part of the time was spent allowing Alexis to adjust to the time change and get over her jet lag. The place we were staying was wonderful for that task. This is the first trip I have even taken where I used the site AirBnB, and I would highly suggest it to anyone traveling anywhere, especially areas that are usual tourist destinations. We visited the HOPE office one of those days for lunch, but unfortunately only about half of the staff were there, and it was not a long lunch because everyone was very busy. The same day we hiked up Table Mountain, which was both wonderful and extremely difficult (those of you that remember my Christmas Holiday adventures post may remember my talking about the hike there). Other highlights included seeing X-men apocalypse (at least it was for me) in a super comfy theater that is called the “prestige experience” (I want more theaters in this style in the states), eating dinner with coworkers, exploring the waterfront area, going to the aquarium, visiting one of my favorite coffee shops in Cape Town, visiting the watershed and shopping, then exploring an exhibit on poisons and venoms throughout history and fiction (we were able to hold a snake at the end. Check out the pictures below), going to Hout Bay,  visiting the World of Birds wildlife Sanctuary and Monkey park, and in general just enjoying each other’s presence and company after such a long time apart. Each of these highlights could be expounded on for paragraphs, but instead I will just talk about a few.

 

Us Holding the snake at the end of the exhibit.

Us outside of the Water Front mall

Alexis feeding a seal at Hout Bay

Me feeding a seal at Hout Bay

  

Alexis standing a little too close to an exhibit
 (as she found out 5 seconds after this pic was taken)

Alexis clearly ignoring the "no touching" signs

     

The wildlife sanctuary was probable one of my favorite stops. It was interesting to explore all of their exhibits and learn about the different birds and animals kept there, but the real highlight was stolen by the monkeys. There was one enclosure where you could enter and walk among a group of 38 (according to their site) squirrel monkeys. We were greeted by signs and attendants giving us the same instruction; 1) do not reach for or touch the animals. We could lift our arm to them to let them climb on us if their approached, but we were not to restrain them in any way. 2) make sure all food and drink is left outside the enclosure. 3) make sure all bags are securely closed. 4) enjoy. When we first entered there were not many others in the enclosure so we did not know what to really do or expect.  We just walked along the path and enjoyed watching the monkeys and tried to tempt some of them onto our arms, but none really accepted. Suddenly one of the handlers appeared and told us to sit on a bench. We did, thinking that maybe they were more likely to approach a stationary target. Next thing I knew, the handler tossed something in our direction and what felt like 20 monkeys followed it onto us (Their site states each monkey can weigh between 1-2 ½ pounds). It was AMAZING. The handler was more than willing to continue to toss peanuts our way as we laughed and giggled and attempted to take pictures of ourselves covered in these adorable little monkeys. Fyi, it’s difficult to get a good pic when covered in monkeys and experiencing extreme joy. The best ones will be below. The exhibit started to fill up after us, so we didn’t get to spend the rest of the day in blissful monkey land. We grudgingly allowed another couple to take our bench (there were maybe 4-5 in a row for this exact purpose) and moved on to see the rest of the sanctuary.

The monkeys found a perch

Baby monkey

It is REALLY hard to get a good pic
while monkeys are jumping on you

The is probably one of the better pics.

After our time in Cape Town, we spent a night at the Caledon Hotel. While there we were able to visit the Natural hot springs on the grounds, as well as enjoy their Spa and other amenities (like steam room and Roman bath). Unfotruntely, due to their computer system being down, we were unable to get the couples mud bath we wanted. In the evening we were able to visit the hotel’s casino, and ended up winning just over 200 rand (we started with R200 as a part of the promotion from the hotel. So we basically came out 20some rand ahead). After the night at the Caledon we headed down to the Hermanus area for 5 more days of activities. These included quad biking, exploring Hermanus and the surrounding area, visiting the care center, eating at a lot of interesting and unique restaurants in the area, seeing more HOPE coworkers (in town for a meeting at the care center), and Shark diving. Once again, I could expound on any of these, but I will explore just the one.

Alexis Climbing on rocks

Dassies, a local wildlife.

You are not supposed to feed them, but once again, Alexis ignores that.
(Shes just trying to feed them grass. She actually was successful).

Some Dolphins we saw from the cliffside in Hermanus

Shark Diving. It was Alexis’ only real request of her trip. We ended up going with a company called Marine Dynamics. It was a really nice trip. We were asked to arrive at their building in Gansbaai (about 45 minutes away from Hermanus in the opposite direction from Cape Town) at noon. It started with a lunch followed by a safety and informational briefing. After that we received our gear and everyone headed down to the boat (there was maybe 20-25 customers on the trip and 10-15 staff members/volunteers). After a 15 minute boat trip, we arrived at the site they used for the dive. There was a boat from another company already in the area, so we didn’t have to wait long to see the sharks. The way the process works is they attach the cage to the side of the boat, and 6-8 people go into the cage at one time. The use a cardboard cutout to simulate a cape seal (a great white’s preferred meal) and a “Chum Ball” as bait to lure the sharks close to the boat. When a shark approaches, the baiters call “DOWN” and those in that cage pull themselves under to try and see the shark under water. During this time, everyone on the boat is more than welcome to take pictures of the sharks in the water. Let me just say, it was an awesome experience. Even from the boat, the sharks are impressive. Every so often a shark would approach the chum from underneath, and erupt from the water in a majestic display of power that was near impossible to capture on camera unless you were very prepared. Most of the time the shark would just swim up and then along the boat following the bait (marine dynamics attempts to guide the sharks along the boat instead of running them into the cage. This reduces damage to both shark and cage). We finally got our turn in the cage, and it was easily one of the top 10 coolest experiences in my life. From the boat they are impressive, when they are swimming less than an arm’s length away, the great white is terrifying and awe inspiring. While Marine Dynamics does not intentionally lead the shark into the cage, it still sometimes accidentally approached the boat straight on. There was twice where the shark impacted the cage directly next to us, and it was incredible. Another highlight of the trip was seeing a whale breach very close to us, which happens very very rarely, according to the guides. Another great thing about Marine Dynamics is that each trip has a marine biologist on board, so we got to learn many interesting facts about great whites, marine life in the area, and the efforts of the company to preserve the habitat. After the sharks, they take you by where most of the Cape Seals hang out, and it was nice to see them. Then it is back to the main building for soup and sandwiches to warm up again. 

(Pictures of this activity to come. Alexis has them all on cameras, and she has to find the cords and then transfer them onto a computer and then send them to me. Trust me though, they are awesome)

Sadly, Alexis had to leave on the 31^st. The last night was spent in Cape Town, where we just enjoyed dinner together and prepared for her departure the next day. Her visit was a refreshing respite for my time here. I have missed her the most in my time here, and being able to share my work here as well, as this beautiful country, was great. Saying goodbye to her was very hard, but our time together was a highlight of this year. 

Paint it Black

This is the first post since the end of April. 2 months. The post before that one was a month and a half. I’ll be honest dear audience, I have been slacking on this whole blog thing. There is plenty that this blog could be about; The state of the Care Center, my work for Hope, Alexis’ visit to South Africa, the job hunt for when I return home, my troubles with visa renewal and subsequent plans for departure, the other intern HOPE had for a while (also named Thomas), or any number of things I have experienced and done in my time here. Instead, this blog will focus on another topic, a subject lurking behind some of my other posts. I have sat down to write this post multiple times in my service here, but I could never finish, not to my satisfaction. It got to the point that every time I would try to write about something else, this one would slip back in, and neither would end up getting written. Well today, I will finish what I have started so many times. The writing may be a little disjointed, I do have plenty of drafts to pull from.

Depression: “a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness”. Straight from Merriam Webster’s dictionary. It is a definition that both accurately describes and horribly underrepresents what I, and many others, experience. You (or at least I) see articles, memes, and snippets on the internet all the time about this topic. Some are joking, some are ways to deal with it, some are just statements of what it is, some are how to prevent it, etc. I will attempt to share what depression is for me, specifically in this setting.

Depression is not the sadness extreme sadness I have experienced here. It is not the loneliness I feel, separated from my family and friends. It is not the hopelessness I feel that my work may account to nothing, or the feelings of failure in my purpose here that I suffer. The loss I have felt here, the difficulties I have gone through, the challenges I have faced, these are not depression. All of these are a part of it, but depression is greater than the sum of its parts. The examples I have given are all both causes and symptoms of my depression. At what point is my inability to muster the effort to get out of bed, wash myself, do my dishes, clean my house, get outside and get fresh air, etc. change from a symptom to a cause of my continued depression? Are my self-doubts and social anxiety part of the cause, or symptoms?

My writing is beginning to become cyclical (like depression can be), and I am just restating myself. A part of this is because it is difficult to write about depression. Heck, it is hard to talk/think about depression. I feel like depression in our society is one of the most well-known psychotic disorders yet there is a giant taboo surrounding it. In a society that doesn’t encourage weakness or vulnerability, or even being different, it is easily dismissed as just sadness, and we are told to keep our sadness (or emotions in general) to ourselves. It is not easy for me to admit “weakness”, or to ask for help. It is a part of me that I am not super happy about. I can view how it effects my personal and professional life, and I do not like the results. It is something I am constantly working on. In a way, this post is a part of that. By writing it, by putting my personal emotions in the public’s eye (something I hate doing) I am attempting to improve my vulnerability.

Depression is also hard to write/think about because while I am caught in a “depressive episode”, it is hard to muster the will to focus on doing anything, let alone writing a blog (especially a blog about what I am going through). There have been entire weekends where I barely moved from my bed. I have had a sink and counter full of dishes that I could not muster the will to clean. Instead, I would either wash the dish and utensils just before using them, or just pick the least dirty dish and use that. The effort, even to draw a bath (I don’t have a shower) and wash myself seemed like the hardest thing in the world. There have been many days where getting up for work seemed pointless. And the worst times are when, even when I can get out of my bed and go participate in life, I feel utterly alone and hopeless. I just go through the motions, feeling disconnected and gray. It is not sadness, but more the lack of any emotion. It is easy to picture depression as being a stormy day on a wave tossed sea where tears and loneliness reign supreme. It is harder to associate depression with a bright sunny day, in a beautiful country, with a refreshing sea breeze blowing in (a norm here). But when I am depressed, that bright sunny day seems unenjoyable. Not bad, just incapable of being reveled in. 

In my rambling way I think I may have covered what my depression is (not fully to my satisfaction, but to the best of my limited writing abilities). The next step would be to write about how I deal with it/overcome it. Honestly, I think it is like alcoholism. No one ever really overcomes depression, you are just a “recovering” depressive.  You ride the waves as best as possible and mitigate the symptoms. The best course, would most likely be treatment, but I dislike the idea of medication. Talking about it with others helps, to a degree. I am a big fan of getting plenty of exercise and fresh air. Distractions also prove useful. I have read a lot here. I have embraced this countries habit of downloaded tv shows and movies (all gotten from others, none downloaded illegally myself *shifty eyes*). I have completed more of the video games I own than I have before (I played my first game to full completion here. I have finished shorter games before, but they were usually spaced out over a longer period of time. More often I get bored with them before the end). But those all get stale after a while, and the effort some of them take seems too great during some episodes. When that happens, all that you can do is just wait for it to pass. Hope that tomorrow, you wake up, and being able to see the bright side is easier. (For those of you who are expecting a Missionary to include prayer and meditation as the answer to the problem, don’t feel discouraged. Those fall under list of things that help, but they are not the end-all-be-all solution. I have not written about them here because my faith is more of a personal thing and I am striving to keep from forcing my beliefs onto anyone in my time here).

This post is completed. Well, it is not truthfully, but I am finished writing it. I ramble on, it does not cover the subject fully, and I am unhappy with it, but I have made a promise to myself to post it today. I want to write about other parts of my experience here, and hopefully now that this blog is completed, I can. Please do not view this blog as me saying this has been a horrible time, because it is not. I will strive in future posts to prove that, but I have already taken up too much space here. 

The Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning

I have a problem. I am a completionist. I can get into TV shows, but I like to marathon them instead of watching week to week. I like reading book series that are finished putting books out, so that I can read from the beginning of the story to the end without having to stop or wait. I am the same way for TV shows. I ABSOLUTELY have to begin from the beginning in any form of media, I can not just jump in halfway through the series and be fine. I am sharing all of this, as a way to explain why this is my first blog post in over a month. The truth is, so much has been happing, so many things have been changing and shifting, and there has been some uncertainty to the future of things here, that I have been unwilling to sit down and write a blog that I do not know the end to yet. There are still some things that are unknown out there, but I will do my best to give an accurate update on my placement.

My last blog spoke about the resource I had put together and the training I was planning on carrying out for the inside carers and the home based carers. That went really well. Over the two and a half weeks following that post I carried out numerous sessions to ensure that all the carers had been covered. I believe that all the carers learned from the sessions, and my hope is that they will continue to employ the skills I taught them. That went as well as could be hoped.

The uncertainty has arisen from other sources in the center. I spoke in the last blog about the passing of Martin, the nursing co-ordinator. The waves from that are still being felt to this day, and honestly, in the best of circumstances, the care center might not have stood the greatest chance of returning to its former status after his passing. Unfortunately, the changes kept coming.

A new board for the center was elected in February at the annual general meeting. That, itself, was marred by some difficulties, as the first meeting came to an abrupt end after the community rejected the budget report since it was impossible to verify completely. The second meeting went much smoother, with the corrected report being accepted and a new board elected. The new board seemed excited and energized to come in and make changes to the center to improve it. Some of the officers of the board were present in the center almost every day since then, trying to get paperwork sorted and figure out how to move forward. This caused some individuals to feel that the board was stepping into territory that they shouldn’t be in, and that the day to day of the center should be handled by the staff already there.

About halfway through March, Ingrid, the centers administrator, resigned from her position. She was the member of the front office (comprised of her, Julia the project manager, and Wendy, the HBC administrator and office admin) that I worked with the closest. She was responsible for the direct oversite of the inside of the center, so she was above the nursing coordinator. Her leaving further destabilized the oversite of the center.

A little over a week age, it was announced that the department of Health, which funds part of the center, would be transferring the home based care program from the care center, to another organization in the area. Around the same time it was discussed that both Julia and Wendy might not be continuing in their positions past the end of March.

All of these changes and shifts in the center has made it feel like I am on uneven footing. Luckily for myself, and for the patients themselves, the carer staff itself is pretty solid. The center will remain and continue to provide its service, hopefully to the best of its ability, for some time more. My specific role in it, and in South Africa in general, may change though. Only the future can reveal in what way, and this is very much a book that hasn’t been finished yet. 

Pre-Game Jitters

Anyone who has played sports, had a big school/work presentation, or had to put on some type of performance, knows how the night before can be a little restless. You have all the anxiety and excitement pent up, and you are overthinking every little thing that can go wrong. Or at least that is how it works for me. The night before a big soccer game, or a showchoir competition, was usually filled with thoughts of what I needed to do the next day. I obsessed over every detail, what I needed to do and when, what I would do if the opponent did this, things I needed clarified for the next day, the list goes on and on. For school things, the night before was usually filled (because I am a procrastinator) with frantic last attempts to get whatever it was finished. Even the things I had finished beforehand would be revisited the night before to try and think up what I missed and what I could improve (I believe this is why I was a procrastinator to begin with. I knew I would end up doing it that way, and I believed my best work was done under pressure). It is no different now. Tomorrow, I take a big step in one of the projects I feel I was most called here to do.

Those of you following my blog remember I mentioned a few months ago a few projects I was undertaking here. One of them is a resource that the carers can utilize to give basic stretching and rehabilitation exercises to the patients. The shape this resource has taken is in a combination of PowerPoint and word documents. I have two PowerPoint presentations set up (one for stretching and one for exercises) that has an exercise/stretch per slide with pictures and instructions on how to perform it. I also have word documents that have some basic instruction for both stretching and the exercise programs on them, as well as a terminology sheet for incase they are confused by something I have said. The idea is that the carers, both inside the center and those that work with the home based care unit, can use these resources to help their patients improve and get basic physio in-between the actual physio’s visit. Ideally the resource could also be given to the families of the patients and they can assist in the exercises or stretching, so that the patient has a more reliable and constant source of attention in these matters. This has taken a majority of my “free” work time over the past few months, between coming up with exercises, finding pictures to match, confirming that these exercises are suitable and adequate for the needs of the patients, and having them translated into Afrikaans (the most common language in this area). I finally feel comfortable in the guides as I have them now, and tomorrow I begin training the in-patient care givers on how to utilize them. It is, as they say, show time.

The day before jitters I have described have set in and I am terrified. I keep thinking of everything that could go wrong. Maybe there are more exercises I could have included. Maybe there are better ones. Perhaps the ones in there are not the right ones. What if the patients can’t perform the exercises? What if they don’t want to? Maybe the carers won’t be able to understand what I am trying to teach them. What if they just don’t care? Maybe I will be a bad teacher and it will be my fault they don’t understand. Maybe I could have made the guides easier to understand and use (I know I attempted to make them as simple as I could, but maybe I could have done more). The list goes on and on.

Now, for the most part, I know these fears are unjustified. I have been working on these for the past four months, and been extremely focusing on them these past two months. My concerns are just cover-ups and outlets for my anxiety about something else. The really scary thing. The true problem. The question that gets everyone. “What next?”

For the immediate future I have the training of the in-center carers on how to utilize it. Then I will train the home based caregivers on it. Following that there is discussion on allowing me to go to the other home based care units in the area (thing of a county/district in the State) and train them on it as well. There are also other organizations in the area that can benefit from a resource like this. An example would be the wheelchair association. I could work with them some. But all of these things will only take up a so much of my time.

Two months ago this wouldn’t have been such a concern, but in early January that changed. On January 3^rd, Martin, the nursing coordinator, suddenly and unexpectantly passed away. This sent the care center into some disorganization as it was unprepared for the loss. There is currently a temporary nurse filling in just until we can find a replacement (or she becomes tired of waiting for us to find one). This has greatly impacted my work in the center. Martin was my supervisor and he was largely responsible for giving me tasks, teaching me what I needed to do, and utilizing my different skills. Besides being a wonderful nurse and human being, he had experience with a former YASCer and was amazing in the role he filled, both to the care center as well as to me as a supervisor. Without him, the future of my time here, as well as the care center’s future path, is a little bit blurred. The replacement nurse is a wonderful woman whom I thoroughly enjoy working with, but whom has very little idea of how to use me. My responsibilities have shrunk to an almost purely physio scope, which is all fine and well except only a few patients in the center need, and can use, physio. All the extra things Martin had me doing I now either feel uncomfortable doing without a nurse’s supervision (mostly the medical stuff) or did not have enough knowledge to completely take over (the administrative stuff). That is partially why I have been focusing so much on getting these guides done these past two months.

The question of “what next” still remains. The temporary nurse is just that, temporary. The search for a replacement will continue, but success is not guaranteed. My exact role within the center is shifting and will not be solidified in the near future. Some of the jitters I am feeling about implementing my plans tomorrow is tied into this. Once this is underway, what will I have to do next? What will my purpose and meaning for being here be? I will do my best to help and be a resource to the center as well as the community as a whole, but I am not sure what that will look like, and I am not sure the center does either. One of the things they stressed to us when we were beginning YASC was the need for adaptability. That is something I will living into in these next few months.

P.S. I have attempted several times to write a blog about Martin and his passing. It is much harder than I would have imagined it could be. I am hoping that I will be able to complete it in the near future, so that everyone will be able to know exactly how wonderful a person he was and what he came to mean to me in the short time I had to know him. 

Wet Hot South African Summer.

What summer would be complete without attending summer camp? My final week of my December Summer (remember, it is summer here in the southern hemisphere) holidays found myself and the other YASC intern with HOPE working a camp. One of our Co-Workers at HOPE is involved with a camp called Goal Camp, which is a leadership interfaith camp. The camp’s aim is to promote leadership qualities and dialog between 17-19 year olds who come from some sort of troubled past. There is a heavy interfaith presence since the program this was originally from was Face-to-Face, an international interfaith program based out of the United States. Lacey and I were volunteered to help as facilitators for the camp, and I have never enjoyed something I have been volunteered for as much before.

I did not know what to expect from the camp. I had very little information on what it was and how things were going to happen beforehand since I was unable to attend any of the training or planning meetings. The first day I met any of the other facilitators was the day before camp was to start, at the final planning meeting. I did little more than sit and observe at the meeting, partially because I did not know what I was doing and partially because I had received some sad news that morning (but that is another blog post). I did learn a few things at the meeting, like the fact that the group of other facilitators seemed like a good group of people, the camps program seemed to be interesting and well thought out, and that I was a part of the “Get stuff done crew” as I came to call it. Myself, Adeeb (another facilitator), Iggy, Sarah, and Rashaad (the three facilitators in charge) were not a part of any dialog group. The dialog groups are what I would called small groups, or conversation groups, basically it’s where the majority of the serious conversation and sharing happens. Since we were not a part of these groups, our responsibility would be to mostly make sure that everything else ran smoothly, since if the other facilitators did not get their tasks for their events done in time, we would have to finish up the set up. It was alright, though, because being a part of this group allowed me to get a good look at all the background activities that occur to get camps like this done, it allowed the most free times of the facilitators, and it let me hang out with an awesome group of people.

I could go in depth and describe everything that happened during the week (Monday to Sunday), but I would end up writing a blog post double, triple, or even quadruple the length of my others to get it done. Instead, I will try to get the highlights. To start, I was co-cabin facilitator with Izzy (not to be confused with Iggy). Izzy is an awesome guy who is pursuing his undergrad in linguistics, Arabic, and Hebrew, with an honors in Hebrew, and a diploma in education. He is also a hilarious guy with the most infectious laugh and the capability to get very excited and expressive over the smallest things, as well as being good at and enjoying very serious intellectual conversations on a variety of important topics for no other reason than he can and we should. Needless to say, I could not have asked for a better co-cabin facilitator (we agreed to give our cabin the title “Cabin Kickass”, something we were more excited about than the participants). There ended up being 17 participants and 14 facilitators, so the ratio was very close to a 1-1 ratio. There were 3 guys’ cabins with 3 each in two cabin, and 2 in one. The 3 participants in our cabin were all awesome individuals. One of them felt more comfortable speaking in Afrikaans than English, so the other people in the cabin would take turns translating what he said for me during the cabin time in the evening.

The activities varied from day to day. The ones I were directly responsible for occurred later in the week, so for the first bit I just helped out with whatever the other facilitators needed as well as planned my events and electives. Ali and I were in charge of the sports elective. On Tuesday it was scorching hot, so we ended up playing cricket, which the participants enjoyed trying to explain the rules to me. The second day we switched the elective around a little, since the day before the camp split evenly down the genders with all the boys doing sports and all the girls doing crafts. The second day we sold it more as games than sports, and ended up attracting some of the girls over to our side. Ali introduced this awesome game that was a combination of cricket, kickball, a little bit of red rover, and just plain fun (he was good at that in general). The activities I was in charge of planning and running were the gender night and the Amazing race obstacle course.

Ruth and I were in charge of gender night, and it was one of those things that went so much better than we could have ever hoped or planed for (thought Ruth did most of the planning well before camp started). The discussions and ideas being tossed out by the participants throughout the evening were amazing, and it was one of my highlights of the week to see the wheels start to turn and them begin to see where they had been taught faulty perceptions and habits by society. They begin with writing five attributes about themselves. They then split into gender groups to discuss and write down attributes and characteristics they thought of for men and for women. This alone sparked some debate and dialog, the female group quickly realized what they were putting down was mostly stereotypes. Then we brought the groups back together and had them view what the others had written both about their gender group as well as the other. We then had them pair off into male and female pairs, with one group of three (we really lucked out with the numbers being almost even). We had them discuss everything and answer some questions we prepared, then had them form larger groups of mixed gender, and had further discussion there. The conversations in each part were so good and productive, that we let each section have much more time than was intended for it. Ruth and I kept checking between the groups and asking “Are you guys still going? Good, because so are we. 5 more minutes?” We unapologetically stretched well past the time allotted for the activity, but the higher-ups understood and were ok with it.

The amazing race was an activity planned almost solely by me and held on Saturday. I was nervous how everyone would enjoy it, but it turned out to be a huge success. There was the classic riddles to various stations scavenger hunt. Then a ropes maze (which I ran and went super well). Only one group figured out the trick. Everyone but one was blindfolded, and the one unblindfolded person had to verbally “Get the rest of your team from point A to point B”. We never said they had to go through the ropes. The trick was to just walk them around the ropes. There was also a little zipline where they had a competition to see who could get the furthest without touching the group. And an impromptu station where there was a vertical grid of ropes and they had to see how many people they could get from one side to the other without touching the ropes (credit goes to Rashaad and Ali for the quick thinking to get that one together so that the groups weren’t waiting on the zipline and ropes with nothing to do). After that was Spin it to Win it, a relay race where each member spun in a circle a number of times and then tried to do activities like run straight, run and catch a frisbee, dance, etc. Then we had them build the largest structure they could out of marshmallows and skewers. We ended it all with a game of Jeopardy, where the categories where the themes of the various days, and the questions came from events during those days. All in all it went very well, and everyone seemed to like it.

Those were just two of the events from the entire week. I could go on about the capture the flag game I helped put together that was a huge success (Despite, or maybe because of, a few injuries). I could talk about the Dance/fitness activity where we had outside instructors come in and pretty much make us all realize how out of shape we were. I could wax poetic about the exploratory trip to find the beautiful rock pools, and then the actual excursion the camp took to visit them later in the week (with mixed results on enjoyment).The talent show which had everyone rolling on the floor with laughter at points, or snapping our fingers in recognition of some of the realest slam poetry I have ever heard (usually the talent show is the part of camp I enjoy the least and try my hardest to avoid, this one was actually amazing). I could reminisce about the Help game, an activity that drove the participants to the edge of frustration and annoyance with us. I could recount Star Power, one of the hardest hitting events that had some participants in tears and pure hatred directed toward the Facilitators in charge of it (the group of five mentioned earlier). These and many other things could fill up a multitude of more blog posts. Instead, I would like to talk a little about what it made me realize about myself.

Both weeks of this holiday, but particularly this one, made me realize and address one of the largest issues facing me in regards to my time here. It is the loneliness and separation I feel. Being around other Americans my age in Cape Town. Being around other people my age that share my passion for discussion and openness and acceptance, that cherish the sharing of ideas and experiences just for the sake of knowledge and growth at the goal camp. Being involved with the exposure of the youth of South Africa to new ideas and ways of thinking that will hopefully lead to them living better lives and the strengthening of the future leadership of SouthAfrica. I am beyond greatful for the time spent with the other facilitators, and with the participants. Being able to meet and make friendships with some many wonderful like-minded people has really helped me. There was even a little facilitator get together a week after camp ended to check in and see how everyone was doing. Rashaad and Ali even drove all the way to Hawston to fetch me back to Cape Town and then took me back. All of it was a refreshing and wonderful experience, that exposed to me just how isolated and alone I feel in Hawston. I love the people there, especially the ones I have interacted with, but we do not have copious amounts of things in common. It makes it difficult to relate to them at times (a struggle shared by the previous YASCer in the position). Dealing with these feelings and moving forward in the new year, with 7-9 more months here, is one of the greatest challenges I will face, and hopefully overcome.

Holidays with Sun and Friends

In my previous post I talked about how lonely the holidays can be when you are in a foreign country. Luckily for me, others already knew of this, and there were plans being made months ago to combat this issue. The other members of Team SATZ (what the YASCers in South Africa and Tanzania have been calling ourselves) had been planning to get together over the holidays for some time, and so the end of December found all of us in Cape Town.

I, myself, was in Cape Town by the 24^th of December due to lack of having personal transportation. I was lucky enough to catch a ride to Cape Town with Hananja (The dietician who occasionally works with the Center, and who also happens to be Keri’s, the former YASC member here, best friend) and her boyfriend Rod. It actually turned out for the best because that meant that myself and Lacey (The other YASC member with HOPE who is working in Cape Town) were able to attend the Christmas Eve midnight service at the Cathedral in Cape Town. It was a beautiful service with the archbishop, and even more excitingly, Desmond Tutu and his family, being in attendance. Lacey and I were able to attend the Christmas Day mass at the Cathedral as well. For Christmas itself Lacey and I accepted the invitation of Rachel Mash, who works in the Green Anglican Office, which shares a building with HOPE. We spent Christmas lunch and afternoon having a wonderful time enjoying the company of her husband, who teaches in the medical school at UCT, and her son and daughter, both of whom are in university, as well as another professor from the university and his wife. As it turned out, their other guests were also from the United States. They’ve have been in South Africa for a couple decades now, but they could easily commiserate with us about things we missed from the states. All in all it was an enjoyable time, in which I participated in my first Christmas Cracker a fact that amazed everyone in attendance (they were homemade crackers), and for the first time ever, I lounged by the pool on Christmas.

       

Andy Russell and Jacob Nastruz (The Yasc Members in Tanzania and Joberg, respectively) arrived in Cape Town on the 27^th. Lacey and I met them at the Airport and took them to Ann House, where all four of us were staying for the holidays. From there commenced a week of fun. That same day we visited a rooftop pool, followed by this really awesome Mesopotamian restaurant. That Monday we set out to hike Table Mountain. At that point I was the only one out of our group that had actually been to the top of Table Mountain, and I had arrived there via cable car. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy walk, but everyone else was still dead set on it. We took Platteklip Gorge, one of the popular routes up table mountain. It is the most direct route to the top, but this is achieved by being vey vertical and filled with steep switchbacks, which leads some to say it is also the most difficult way to the top. It was ok though, we took plenty of breaks which allowed us to eat the snacks we brought, as well as take plenty of beautiful pictures. (Pictures to follow at a later date, I am still sorting through them all). It was an overall rewarding experience which enabled us to have multiple conversations with other hikers (either on their way down or as they passed us going up). Once we achieved the summit it was decided that we should take the cable car back to the bottom since, you know, we were only doing this once and wanted to get both sides of the experience. That evening Jacob, myself, and Andy were able to view Starwars Episode 7 at the Waterfront Mall’s Theater. I will not go on in length, but I will say I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The next day we took the Hop-on Hop-off bus tour (also known as the red bus tour). One of the routes offered by the tour is the purple route, or the route that takes you to the vineyards. This was where we had arranged to meet the last YASCer in South Africa, Tim Hamlin, who had his girlfriend visiting as well. The six of us took a cellar tour at the Groot Constantia wine estate, which was very informative and ended in a wine tasting. We then ended up eating at one of the restaurants on the estate purely by luck, since one party ended up canceling right after we had asked and they had told us they were full. It was a wonderful afternoon spent relaxing and enjoying the company of the other YASC members (and Tim’s girlfriend) amongst the beautiful grounds of Groot Constantia. It was nice to catch up and hear about each of our placements, as well as the challenges and triumphs that accompany each. The following day, Lacey, Andy, Jacob and I took the red bus tour again, this time focusing on the downtown loop. We were able to see many different interesting sites, like the district 6 museum, as well as the “Castle”, which is the original fort that had been there. We also explored the watershed, which is a crafts market on the waterfront.

The morning and early afternoon of the 31^st was spent down at the Waterfront once again. We went to the waterfront market where we were able to try a variety of different foods as well as visiting the Aquarium. That evening we ended up at the botanical gardens in Kirstenbosch. The botanical gardens is a beautiful garden nature reserve, which can easily have a day spent there picnicking and soaking up the many beautiful sights. We. However, were there for their new year’s eve concert. Jeremy Loops was the headline act, and I would highly suggest you check out his music (he is on Spotify). Jeremy is a native of Cape Town, and so it was really interesting being able to hear him play to his home crowd in such a venue.

The 1^st was spent on an adventure that could have gone better. We ended up trying to take a train to Simon’s beach, which is known for having penguins. However, because it was a holiday, there trains were running on a more spaced out schedule than we anticipated, and were packed much fuller than we were expecting. We ended up being squashed together along with a number of complete strangers, in fashion I would easily call less than ideal. We made it all the way to the end of the line we were on, before we realized that the train wasn’t running all the way out to Simon’s beach. We could have taken a bus the rest of the way, but we decided that between the wait for the bus, as well as the time to get there, and back, and catch the next train back to our stop, we would be cutting it a little close, and we did not want to be stranded that far out without reliable cab or Uber service back into town. It was decided that we would take the train back a few stops and get off at a beach there, from which we could Uber back. This is where we made a mistake. We were able to get good seats, at one end of the train, when we got back on. The problem was that between the stop we got on at, and the stop we wanted to get off at, the train became packed again. I am talking shoulder to shoulder packed with all types of people carrying all manner of bags and beach equipment. As our stop approached we got up and notified the people between us and the door that this was where we wanted to get off. What followed can only be described as the worst public transport experience of my life. As soon as the doors opened we started heading for the exits, but at the same time the large crowd waiting to get on started surging forward, despite the fact that the car was already packed full. The people already on tried to assist us by pushing us forward while the people on the outside pushed against us to get on. We barely made it off, and it was more by virtue of luck than anything else. We spent some time at the beach before deciding to take an Uber back.

The 2^nd of January was spent at the downtown enjoying the Kaapse Klopse, also known as just Klopse, Tweede Nuwe jaar, or the Cape Town Minstrel Festival. The festival is steeped in history and Black and Colored pride in the wake of racism and colonialism. Different groups form troupes and dress up in colorful outfits with various face paints. They parade through the streets playing instruments and performing a variety of dances and songs. All in all it is a wonderful cultural experience that is amazing to see live. My only regret is that we were not able to see more of it. We arrived a little while before it was scheduled to start (around noon or 1), only to find that some people had been camping out since the morning. The streets were lined with families with pop-up coverings who were clearly there for the long haul. It also did not start on time. We found a spot by the start, and waited until almost 4 pm before we saw the first group. We were able to watch several groups before we decided to leave in search of food.

All in all it was a wonderful holiday spent in Cape Town. It was great to catch up and share with other people who are going through some of the same difficulties as myself. My regret lies in almost planning too much to do. Each day felt like it was jam packed with things to do, and I sorely wished we had taken a day or two just doing nothing. The holiday also ended on a very sad note, but that is another blog.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.

Think of your favorite Christmas song. Maybe narrow it down to your favorite non church Christmas song, one of the ones they play on repeat in the stores 24-7 starting before the turkey dinner has fully digested in your stomach (if not sooner). Then think of your least favorite song, or the one the gets stuck in your head the most. Look at the lyrics. I’m willing to bet that it has the words “snow”, “cold”, “fire”, “white”, or some other reference to the weather, or temperature, or some cold weather activity like drinking hot chocolate or roasting chestnuts. I know that personally, when I summon images of Christmas and the Holidays to mind, I think of snow (or at least in my home town, cold rain). It would be hard to imagine Christmas in the middle of summer, right? Welcome to the southern hemisphere. It was 80-85° on Christmas Day. The house I was at had a pool, and it was utilized. Most people go to the beach as their after Christmas lunch tradition. I mean, the saying “Christmas in July” in practice, isn’t as nice as one would think. And that was just one of the things I had to adjust to.

I’ll be honest, it was a little difficult to get in the “Christmas Spirit”. Part of it was the weather. Part of it was the lack on over-commercialization (They don’t play Christmas songs 24-7 everywhere here along with adverts every 5 seconds. Or at least I wasn’t in the shops as much as I usually am). Part of it was the loneliness. The holidays are inherently a family-and-friend centric time period. I don’t spend a whole lot of time with my family, we haven’t taken any long holiday trips in a while, but we still spend time together, and Christmas day is celebrated with them and with my family in Charleston. I think that is one of the aspects that contributed the most to my lack of feeling like it was Christmas. The days leading up to the holiday were spent much like I would any other day in the care center. Sure, the other workers had some holiday spirit, but it didn’t quite touch me as much as in previous years. Even helping decorate the center didn’t do much to improve my eagerness. (Fake) pine trees seem to clash with the bright sunny exterior. Santa in his big red coat seems ridiculous when it is upwards of 80 regularly (he would roast alive, I know I do and I have appropriate clothing). Even putting up snow-in-a-can couldn’t help, because it is a sup-par substitute for the real thing. There is no way around it, being alone during the holidays is very tough.

This experience gives me a much better understanding of the international students I encountered in my time as a Resident Advisor for Marshall University. If anything, I wish I could have learned this experience earlier in life. If I could go back, I would have done a lot more to try and include those international students around holiday times. In fact, if any of my former colleagues, or anyone who works in residence life is reading this, I would suggest strongly taking this to heart, and reaching out to them. It’s one thing to know as a concept how hard it is to be away from one’s family and friends during the holidays, it’s an entirely different thing to experience the crushing loneliness and feelings of depression and isolation one can incur. It also allows me to understand the international student’s tendencies to clump together and not branch outside of their fellow international students. Having someone from back home, even if it is a completely different part of the country, can be comforting when everyone around you seems different than yourself. I know spending the holidays with the other YASC members that are stationed in Tanzania and other parts of South Africa made it much more bearable for me. But our shenanigans in Cape Town are a story for another blog post.