Anyone who has played sports, had a big school/work
presentation, or had to put on some type of performance, knows how the night
before can be a little restless. You have all the anxiety and excitement pent
up, and you are overthinking every little thing that can go wrong. Or at least
that is how it works for me. The night before a big soccer game, or a showchoir
competition, was usually filled with thoughts of what I needed to do the next
day. I obsessed over every detail, what I needed to do and when, what I would
do if the opponent did this, things I needed clarified for the next day, the
list goes on and on. For school things, the night before was usually filled
(because I am a procrastinator) with frantic last attempts to get whatever it was
finished. Even the things I had finished beforehand would be revisited the
night before to try and think up what I missed and what I could improve (I
believe this is why I was a procrastinator to begin with. I knew I would end up
doing it that way, and I believed my best work was done under pressure). It is
no different now. Tomorrow, I take a big step in one of the projects I feel I
was most called here to do.
Those of you following my blog remember I mentioned a few
months ago a few projects I was undertaking here. One of them is a resource
that the carers can utilize to give basic stretching and rehabilitation
exercises to the patients. The shape this resource has taken is in a
combination of PowerPoint and word documents. I have two PowerPoint
presentations set up (one for stretching and one for exercises) that has an
exercise/stretch per slide with pictures and instructions on how to perform it.
I also have word documents that have some basic instruction for both stretching
and the exercise programs on them, as well as a terminology sheet for incase
they are confused by something I have said. The idea is that the carers, both
inside the center and those that work with the home based care unit, can use
these resources to help their patients improve and get basic physio in-between
the actual physio’s visit. Ideally the resource could also be given to the
families of the patients and they can assist in the exercises or stretching, so
that the patient has a more reliable and constant source of attention in these
matters. This has taken a majority of my “free” work time over the past few
months, between coming up with exercises, finding pictures to match, confirming
that these exercises are suitable and adequate for the needs of the patients,
and having them translated into Afrikaans (the most common language in this
area). I finally feel comfortable in the guides as I have them now, and
tomorrow I begin training the in-patient care givers on how to utilize them. It
is, as they say, show time.
The day before jitters I have described have set in and I am
terrified. I keep thinking of everything that could go wrong. Maybe there are
more exercises I could have included. Maybe there are better ones. Perhaps the
ones in there are not the right ones. What if the patients can’t perform the
exercises? What if they don’t want to? Maybe the carers won’t be able to
understand what I am trying to teach them. What if they just don’t care? Maybe
I will be a bad teacher and it will be my fault they don’t understand. Maybe I
could have made the guides easier to understand and use (I know I attempted to
make them as simple as I could, but maybe I could have done more). The list
goes on and on.
Now, for the most part, I know these fears are unjustified.
I have been working on these for the past four months, and been extremely
focusing on them these past two months. My concerns are just cover-ups and
outlets for my anxiety about something else. The really scary thing. The true
problem. The question that gets everyone. “What next?”
For the immediate future I have the training of the in-center
carers on how to utilize it. Then I will train the home based caregivers on it.
Following that there is discussion on allowing me to go to the other home based
care units in the area (thing of a county/district in the State) and train them
on it as well. There are also other organizations in the area that can benefit
from a resource like this. An example would be the wheelchair association. I
could work with them some. But all of these things will only take up a so much
of my time.
Two months ago this wouldn’t have been such a concern, but
in early January that changed. On January 3rd, Martin, the nursing
coordinator, suddenly and unexpectantly passed away. This sent the care center
into some disorganization as it was unprepared for the loss. There is currently
a temporary nurse filling in just until we can find a replacement (or she
becomes tired of waiting for us to find one). This has greatly impacted my work
in the center. Martin was my supervisor and he was largely responsible for
giving me tasks, teaching me what I needed to do, and utilizing my different
skills. Besides being a wonderful nurse and human being, he had experience with
a former YASCer and was amazing in the role he filled, both to the care center
as well as to me as a supervisor. Without him, the future of my time here, as
well as the care center’s future path, is a little bit blurred. The replacement
nurse is a wonderful woman whom I thoroughly enjoy working with, but whom has
very little idea of how to use me. My responsibilities have shrunk to an almost
purely physio scope, which is all fine and well except only a few patients in
the center need, and can use, physio. All the extra things Martin had me doing
I now either feel uncomfortable doing without a nurse’s supervision (mostly the
medical stuff) or did not have enough knowledge to completely take over (the
administrative stuff). That is partially why I have been focusing so much on
getting these guides done these past two months.
The question of “what next” still remains. The temporary
nurse is just that, temporary. The search for a replacement will continue, but
success is not guaranteed. My exact role within the center is shifting and will
not be solidified in the near future. Some of the jitters I am feeling about
implementing my plans tomorrow is tied into this. Once this is underway, what
will I have to do next? What will my purpose and meaning for being here be? I
will do my best to help and be a resource to the center as well as the
community as a whole, but I am not sure what that will look like, and I am not
sure the center does either. One of the things they stressed to us when we were
beginning YASC was the need for adaptability. That is something I will living
into in these next few months.
P.S. I have attempted several times to write a blog about
Martin and his passing. It is much harder than I would have imagined it could
be. I am hoping that I will be able to complete it in the near future, so that
everyone will be able to know exactly how wonderful a person he was and what he
came to mean to me in the short time I had to know him.
